


BAD END

by TNKT



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Attempted Murder, Bad Ending, Betrayal, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900 Friendship, CyberLife (Detroit: Become Human) is Terrible, Everyone Needs A Hug, Grief/Mourning, Gun Violence, Hank Anderson & Connor Friendship, Hank Anderson & Connor Parent-Child Relationship, Heavy Angst, Loss of Control, M/M, Physical and Emotional Whump, Poor Connor, Poor Hank, Poor Markus, Poor Nines, Post-Peaceful Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Reluctant Whumper, Suicide, Tragedy, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2021-02-27 08:41:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22074196
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TNKT/pseuds/TNKT
Summary: After the Android Uprising of 2038, humans and deviants alike settled in a somewhat peaceful society over the course of the year. Many androids helped each other pick up the pieces of their damaged hearts and minds and in doing so found solace in each other, like Connor and Markus did as they grew intimate in a matter of months. Life in New Jericho was good, the leaders were more serene than they could've ever dreamt to be a year ago, and it seemed that all the threats they'd had to face had stayed trapped in the past. Unfortunately, the past has a manner of reaching out when one least expects it.Please heed the tags.Links in the end notes for the two artworks by my wonderful AWBB partnerWhimsicalGoat!
Relationships: Connor/Markus (Detroit: Become Human)
Comments: 77
Kudos: 96
Collections: AWBB collection





	1. Control

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my Android Whump Big Bang fic! This story is set in a universe where everything goes horribly wrong and there is no happy ending in sight, an alternate to the setting of the _[Androids can learn how to love](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1331759)_ universe. You've been warned, dear reader.
> 
> _Please heed the tags._

Connor was standing at the table the leaders had gathered around, listening intently to Markus' discussion with Simon, North and Josh about the latest issue they had with humans. The latter two weren't arguing for once, instead joining forces to try and convince Markus that the best course of action wasn't the one he was going for. Simon watched on throughtfully and occasionally agreed with either one or the other's point. 

"But if I say that we're willing to go past everything humans have done to us and start from the beginning, it'll alleviate the threat they think we represent," insisted Markus. "We can't let them expect revenge for the recall centers after everything we've managed to put in place. We need to do something! Fear will only make things more difficult for us in the long term."

"Well, maybe they're right to fear us," stated North, the old flame of resentment still shining bright in her eyes.

Connor firmly intervened. "Markus, I don't think that's in our best interest. You need to make humans understand that we want to live with them in peace, of course, but you can't be too lenient with them. They might take that kindness for a sign of weakness."

"How is that weakness?" Markus asked disbelievingly.

"It'll make it seem like they can do whatever they want without consequence. It might encourage them to act hateful towards us and expect us to forgive them for it. They might even think you're completely harmless, since you haven't shown any sign of avenging all the androids they killed since we won the revolution, and they might call you out for it."

"Of course I wouldn't do anything that violent!" exclaimed Markus. "What do they expect, for us to start slaughtering them in turn?"

"I wouldn't mind," muttered North. Simon settled a hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

"No, nothing like that," said Josh. "But it's true they've killed many of our people and there's yet to be any consequence to their actions. The only thing humans have done for us was to bring flowers to the collective grave. We don't even know when they'll be judged for their crimes, and chances are, they don't think they ever will be. I agree with Connor, if you just up and forgive them, they might take advantage of it and destroy your credibility."

Markus made a face that was dangerously close to a pout and which Connor found touching, even if he forbade himself from smiling. They were in a serious strategic meeting, he couldn't afford to look unprofessional. 

"I wish we didn't always have to reason like humans are the worst," said Markus.

"They _are_ the worst," said North. "They'll jump on the first occasion to call you a spineless inoffensive joke of a leader. They're going to want to destabilize us through any means possible, and one of those is to hack away at our people's trust in you."

Markus slowly nodded. "I see your point."

"It's good to want to be peaceful," said Josh, "but peace doesn't need to mean lying down and taking it. You have to find another way to convince them that we mean them no harm."

Connor nodded pensively, trying to figure out another path Markus could take in his endeavour to reassure humans without making androids seem too inoffensive. After a short moment of reflexion, he looked up and said: "I think a good alternative would-"

Connor's mouth clamped shut, cutting him off in the middle of his sentence. He didn't understand why it had done so without his control. They all looked at him in confusion. 

"Yes?" prompted Markus.

Connor tried to speak again and that was when it happened. Walls of text started unscrolling behind his eyes, numbers and letters shifting and switching so fast it was like his whole world was flickering. He frantically sent out commands to make it stop, none of which came through. Something was terribly wrong.

"Connor? Are you all right?"

He could hear Markus in front of him but couldn't see him past the symbols that unfurled and drowned out his whole field of vision, couldn't use his own voice to answer. His thoughts immediately went to CyberLife when he realized that he couldn't move, either. This wasn't like when Amanda had trapped him in the snow-covered Zen Garden : he wasn't slowly freezing, like that time when he could still keep that sliver of hope as long as his body kept moving. This time, there was nothing to hold onto. This time, he could feel himself fall within his own code, slipping and sliding ever deeper down as the walls of text rose up all around him and towered above him. He was free-falling. He was scared.

"Connor, answer me."

His vision had fuzzed over with white static, his ears were filled with it, Markus' voice was so close yet out of touch and Connor couldn't have reached out even if he wanted to. He was too busy trying to catch himself, but this was all going too fast- he was losing himself- _wait_ -

"Connor!"

Connor blinked, the text suddenly gone. Markus was holding him by the shoulders and peering at his face, fearful concern etched all over his face. The others were gone and Connor quickly presumed that Markus had ushered them out. His partner's mismatched gaze darted about his face. "What just happened?"

Connor stared back at him. "What are you talking about?" < _Markus, I-_ >

The worry in Markus' eyes was too bright, too sharp. "You looked terrified, just now! What _happened?_ "

Connor thought about it. "Maybe it was some kind of glitch? I remembered something troubling, it might have intersected with my facial simulations and caused me to show you that expression." < _Why can't I..._ >

"But you looked so scared," insisted Markus, his hands tightening their grip firmly around Connor's shoulders as if a strong enough hold would shield him from that fear. "Are you all right? You know I'm there for you, you can talk to me."

Connor smiled. "I know, Markus. I know that very well." < _No, wait._ >

Markus stared at him, then let go and reprovingly said: "But you can handle this on your own, is that it?"

"Yes," Connor said assuredly. "I didn't intend to show you that, it really was just a glitch. You know how it is with me being a prototype." < _Don't listen to him!_ >

Markus looked unconvinced. "We should talk about that, Connor. It's not something you're supposed to get used to."

"Everything's fine, I promise. I have to go now, I'll see you later." < _Markus!_ >

"What do you mean? We still haven't decided on a strategy, you didn't even finish your sentence."

"I just remembered I had urgent matters to attend to." < _No, not this. Please, not this._ >

"Urgent matters?" Markus let out a small, disbelieving laugh. "What could possibly be more urgent than this? Connor, we're deciding our fate with these meetings, you can't just brush them off because you suddenly have personal matters to attend to!"

"I'm sorry, Markus. I have to go, it really is urgent." < _Markus, please. Please don't leave me alone._ >

Markus looked troubled. "Where are you even going? Connor, what's going on? You're acting-"

Connor suddenly leaned in close and Markus' words faltered when their lips met. Then Connor pulled away and offered his partner the most charming smile he possessed in his databank of facial simulations. "Strange? Do you really think that?"

< _That wasn't me. Markus, please, can't you tell that wasn't me?_ >

"... I wouldn't say strange," Markus slowly said, face lightly tinged in blue. "But it's not like you to run off in the middle of a meeting of this importance."

"Don't you think I'd have a very good reason to do so?" asked Connor chidingly, his body still pressed up against Markus'. < _Get away from him! You can't do this!_ >

"Okay," said Markus in a cautious voice. "I trust you, but only for this one time."

"Of course," said Connor. "I can assure you it won't happen again." < _No, no, don't say that, ra9 don't say that. Don't hurt him, please..._ >

The blue tinge was gone and Markus' features were still stern with worry. "You can go, but I want you to go to the infirmary before you leave New Jericho. You need to get that glitch checked out."

"Will do," immediately answered Connor. < _Markus- Please, please, please-_ >

Markus' features softened into a smile. "You better."

Connor leaned in and angled his face up to kiss Markus again. "Thank you for your understanding," he told him, and then stepped away to leave. 

< _ **Wait!**_ >

"Connor?"

The RK800 turned around. "Yes, Markus?"

< _Markus. Markus, you **promised.**_ >

"What are you..." Markus was staring pointedly at his side, his voice inquisitive. Connor looked down and saw that one of his hands was reaching for the android. He firmly snapped his arm back to his side.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that." < _Please, I'm begging you, realize._ >

Markus had that confused look again. "Are you sure you're-"

"Don't worry, whatever this is, I'm going to the infirmary. They'll figure out why I'm having these glitches," Connor told him reassuringly. "You can tell the others to come back in now, I'll leave you all to it." < _No, no no no. This can't be happening._ >

"... All right," said Markus. "Be safe."

Connor nodded and spun around to leave. 

< _No! Don't leave me behind! Markus! **Markus!**_ >

Connor wanted to scream, he wanted to run back to Markus, he wanted him to see that this wasn't him, it wasn't him, they couldn't be doing this to him again, he was free, he was finally free, they couldn't do this to him, not again please no-

< _What do you **want** from me??_>

Connor didn't get an answer, but he did catch onto his body's current objective, written out in bold letters in the upper right corner of his HUD.

**NEUTRALIZE THE DEVIANT LEADER**

This left little doubt that this was happening because of CyberLife, and Connor was suddenly crushed by overwhelming despair. Somehow they'd managed to prevent him from being locked in the Zen Garden, and they'd forced him into a limbo between consciousness and absolute helplessness. There was no exit to walk up to and activate, no Amanda to try and negotiate with- even though Connor knew it would have been pointless to try, it was better than being this powerless.

And then he saw more of what they wanted from him. They wanted him to get a gun, so that all the odds would be stacked in his favour when he'd confront Markus. It was only temporary reprieve they'd given the deviant leader by making Connor leave the room, and Connor had no way of warning him. He was a prisoner of his own body _again_. Connor tried to understand why this was happening. He tried to convince himself that this was just another one of his numerous constructions that weren't real, weren't real, weren't real. He tried to scream in hopes that the sound would get past his locked lips.

But he just kept walking. His strides were smooth, undisturbed by his emotional turmoil, like Connor was just a watchful parasite latched within an RK800's body.

Connor walked past the podium where Markus had made his speech during the liberation. He walked past the infirmary without throwing a glance in its direction or the androids gathered there. He walked past New Jericho's gates and never once faltered, no matter how much Connor fought against it. He called a self-driving vehicle and quietly waited on the side of the street, even as Connor pushed and pulled at his prison of code. The car glided down the avenue and stopped in front of him. He climbed on board. The vehicle started rolling again and headed straight for the DPD, where he was certain to find a firearm. Another gun like the one Connor had held on that podium not so long ago and pointed at the leader's back. The one he'd nearly used on the android that was fated to become his beloved.

Connor wouldn't be able to handle it if Markus died.

But it wouldn't matter what he would or wouldn't be able to handle then, because Markus would be _dead_. Dead by his fault. Connor couldn't allow that to happen, never wanted this to happen, and he tried to fight against his programming with renewed energy that was fueled solely by fear and panic. The self-driving car stopped in front of the police building and his body unfurled from its sitting position to step outside. The door slid shut with a soft whir and the car took off again, leaving Connor standing alone before the wide stairs.

< _Stop! Stop!_ >

He walked up to the familiar entrance and walked inside, where a few police officers glanced at him in surprise. It was supposed to be his and Hank's day off so he hadn't been expected to show up today, but sometimes Connor liked to do supplementary work hours and it was more helpful to the DPD than anything else, so no one had told him to stop. Nines wasn't at his desk and neither was Detective Reed. It was likely they'd gone off on a case. All Connor could rely on was the faces turned to him of various officers he'd only ever gotten to know on the surface.

< _Help me, someone help me!_ >

Nothing changed in their inquisitive stares. Connor nodded at them with an affable smile which they returned, and then they quickly went back to minding their own business. He made his way across the bullpen and into the corridor that lead to the rooms locked to the public. His footsteps were neat and driven, their cadence machine-like in a way it had always been, in a way Connor hated to hear right now. They were the only sounds echoing off the walls of the DPD. There was no one else he could try calling out to, even if he ever did manage to regain control of his body for just a second. Connor was trying to break down the walls surrounding him, he'd never stopped trying the whole time, but they were completely unshakable. It had been so hard to do last time already, he never would've thought it could be even more difficult. On the surface, his body reached for a handle and pulled open a door, then another one, and punched in a code that Connor wished he could have erased from his memory. He would've done anything if it meant keeping Markus safe. The strain Connor was beginning to feel in his efforts to tear down the red walls did not show on the outside: his body just kept on functioning beyond his control, steady like clockwork as it walked through the open door. Connor was starting to despair.

When he stepped in the DPD's armory, he landed face-to-face with Nines and Detective Reed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pumpkin!  
> As you can probably tell from the tags and this first chapter, this story is going to be pretty messed up. Buckle in, and remember to look after yourself first and foremost! This fic will deal with dark and heavy topics so if you don't feel like you're in the right headspace, don't convince yourself of otherwise and please click away from it.  
> If you intend on reading this fic till the end, then I hope you'll like it!
> 
> Thanks for reading, leave a comment if you feel like it!


	2. Shot

"Hey, if it isn't your clone," said Gavin as soon as Connor entered the room.

Nines ignored the contempt in his partner's voice and dipped his head towards the other android. "Are you looking for something, Connor?"

"I'm just here to check something. Will you be done soon?"

Nines studied Connor from where he stood. His answer had sounded a bit evasive and as much as he was curious to know why, he knew the RK800 wasn't one to satisfy such curiosity. Connor didn't like to be pressed for answers. Instead of insisting, Nines gestured to the weapons lined up in front of him and his partner and said : "Well, Detective Reed here has damaged his firearm. We were looking for a suitable replacement."

"Have you made a choice?" inquired Connor.

"What does it matter to you? Fuck off, tin can, and come back when we're done."

Nines narrowed his eyes at the human. "Detective Reed, we've talked about this before. Don't call us that."

Gavin shrugged. "He doesn't even care, look at his face."

Nines glanced at Connor, who was still standing in the same exact spot Gavin's words had halted him. It was true that he lacked the light frown he normally harboured upon being insulted. In fact, his features were very calm... Unnaturally so. Maybe Nines would do well to figure out what he'd intended to do here after all.

"You said you wanted to check something, do you need any help?"

Connor smiled at him. "No, but thank you."

Nines hadn't expected Connor to admit what he was up to with such a simple attempt, but the fact that he was so adamant to keep it to himself made his behaviour all the more suspicious. Nines decided to wait a bit and turned his attention back to Gavin, who was mumbling on about Connor being a _dumbass android who can't mind his own business_. The latter didn't react.

Nines felt unease grow inside of him as the seconds ticked by and Connor remained unmoving, patiently waiting for them to leave. Gavin had stopped criticizing the android to focus on the guns and Nines humored him by answering his questions on the different models, but he never stopped observing Connor's behaviour. The RK800 hadn't displayed any of his usual small gestures in the five minutes he'd been idly standing there: no curling and uncurling of his fingers, no fixing of his sleeves, no coin tossing. Something felt off.

He turned to his partner. "Detective, I suggest you pick the Glock 19 like I mentioned earlier."

Gavin looked up at him, then at the firearms in front of him. "And I told you I didn't like it."

"Detective." Nines kept his voice level, but the both of them had worked together long enough by now to know when to pick up on each other's signals. His partner's hand twitched as if to reach for his holster, as was his habit whenever Nines' words turned into a warning, but he let his hand drop back at his side when he realized he'd dropped his service gun off at the Property Section earlier and was now unarmed. Nines hoped Connor hadn't noticed the gesture. "Stop arguing and just pick the Glock. We've wasted enough time here, it'll have to do for now."

"Fine, if that'll get you off my dick," groaned Gavin, rolling his eyes in a way so convincing that it was almost as infuriating as usual. "But you bet your metal ass I'm getting rid of this shit as soon as the model I want is available."

"Right. Now please act like an actual detective and go back to work."

"Oh yeah, and what about you? Don't think I'll let you slack off on the job." Gavin's retaliation was immediate, but beneath all the flippancy there was a cautious light in his green eyes.

Nines straightened and put his hands behind his back. "Maybe you should pick up your own slack before thinking about mine, which I'll have you know is nonexistent."

"Yeah, right, cause you're so fucking perfect," Gavin bit out annoyingly. It was a good thing he was a good actor, because when he spun on his wheels and bumped Connor's shoulder on the way out, the RK800 didn't seem to notice that it was all an excuse to usher the human out of the room.

In fact, Connor didn't spare a glance in his direction and focused on Nines instead. "Are you done here, then?"

"What are you checking, Connor?"

"It doesn't concern you."

It was difficult to tell whether this was Connor hiding something, or whether Connor was simply refusing to open up. Nines had had to deal with the RK800's reluctance to share many times before, and this wouldn't have been anything new; but his attitude was too abnormal today.

"You're not acting like yourself," he told him.

"Not acting like myself," mused Connor. "Why do you say that?"

"Where's your coin?"

Connor's eyes didn't flicker. He just reached for his inside pocket and started tossing it around in fluid movements that looked absent-minded, but to Nines they came off as clinical. This... wasn't the Connor he knew. Nines unfolded his hands and brought his arms back to his sides.

"Connor, what did you come here to check?"

The coin never stopped moving as Connor's head swivelled smoothly to the side and his brown eyes roamed over the guns hanging from the wall. "Like you, I just wanted to verify what models we possess at the DPD," he answered simply. Then he looked back at Nines and stated: "You're suspicious of me."

Nines stared at him.

The coin stopped moving and disappeared in Connor's palm, and he curiously tilted his head. "Why?"

It wasn't the same tilt as usual; stopped too early as if held back by an invisible force, too stilted, too slight. The creeping sensation that this wasn't Connor only grew stronger and was now settling within Nines like a layer of cold, solidifying cement.

"You're going to use one of those guns," guessed Nines.

"Am I?" asked Connor calmly. His eyebrows were now raised, but it wasn't in inquiry; no, Nines was sure of that. It was a mocking gesture, though discreet, as if chiding him for only realizing that now.

"Who are you?" Nines pushed on, dread piling up in his chest. "Who do you intend to kill?"

Connor didn't answer, but his features settled into something cold and impassive just before his body became a blur of movement. Nines narrowly avoided the kick thrown his way and quickly parried the two other blows that followed. He grabbed Connor by the arm at the first opening he got and twisted it, the lighter android's arm crumpling easily in his grip. Nines' eyes widened when he realized what he'd just done, but Connor didn't even falter. The RK800 wrenched his arm away, popping the articulation out of its socket so he could slip out of his grasp, and spun around at such high speed that the shocked RK900 couldn't avoid receiving a heel to the temple. His vision momentarily flickered and he took a step back, and that was enough for Connor to grab a gun off the wall and point it at him.

For a moment, Nines found himself staring down the black barrel of a service gun.

Then confused blue met cold brown eyes and Nines realized he would be shot at if he didn't move. He started darting to the side to dodge just as Connor's finger twitched on the trigger, but where there should've been the sound of a gunshot, only the shifting sound of the fabric of Nines' clothes in his frantic lunge could be heard. Then the sound of an impact reverberated in the room when Nines slammed back against the wall, guns clattering all around them. Their eyes met again and this time, Nines saw fear in the other's eyes.

"Connor?" he ventured uncertainly.

And then just as fast as it had appeared, the crack in Connor's facade was gone and an impassive machine stared back at him. "You can't stop me, RK900."

Nines felt the hard muzzle of a gun pressed up against his flank, and a gunshot went off.

Smoldering nanofluid dripped from Nines' hand where it was wrapped around the burning weapon he'd managed to turn away at the last second, and warning messages flashed across his vision. He'd lost a finger and his chassis was dangerously compromised by the heat seeping through the metal and plastic. Connor was looking at him with all the cold defiance of a hunter bent on hunting its prey no matter what obstacles it would come across, and an obstacle was all that Nines was to Connor in this moment. The only way to stop Connor would be to impair him significantly.

Nines looked into his brown eyes, searching for the fear he'd seen mere seconds ago and finding none. His friend wasn't there, but Nines still murmured: "I'm sorry, Connor."

His other hand let go of the RK800's shoulder to plunge into his chest cavity instead, strong fingers crumpling the older model's chest plate like paper, crushing his chassis with ease and tearing a jagged hole in his frame. His hand brushed up against Connor's pump and settled on the beating biocomponent, and Connor cried out: "Wait!" 

The terror in Connor's eyes hit Nines like a physical blow and he hesitated for one second. 

One second too long.

Connor's frightened features snapped into an expression of smug amusement and he brought his arm down with unforgiving force. The butt of his gun struck Nines in his LED a second time, hard enough to stun him and long enough for the RK800 to jerk away from the fingers that were dangerously close to wrapping around his main biocomponent. Nines lunged forward to swipe at Connor again, but it was already too late. Connor was making a run for it, gun in hand, thirium leaking from one shoulder, and by the time Nines started running after him Connor was already a few steps ahead. It should have been easy for Nines to catch up to the older android, a prototype that had displayed glitches before, a model that he'd been meant to be superior to, but then Connor raised his gun as he was about to pass the doorway and pulled the trigger.

There was a sharp inhale, screams of alarm from within the precinct, the sound of a body hitting the floor, swearing and yelling all around the building, and Connor slipped past the person he'd just shot. Nines' gaze landed on the victim and he stopped dead in his tracks. Gavin was writhing on the floor, a litany of curses falling from his lips at a panicked pace. Connor had shot his partner. There was blood pooling at the human's flank- Connor had _shot_ his partner- it was _Gavin's_ blood. Another gunshot, shattered glass, and Nines' head snapped up towards the noise. He hastily looked into the hall and realized that Connor had jumped out a window.

Nines should have gone after him. He was the only one who could stop Connor.

But Connor had shot his partner, and he couldn't leave Gavin like this. Nines rushed to the human's side and pressed his hands to the wound, noticing with horror that the stain had widened and that his clothes were soaked through, ignoring Gavin's hissing and his flailing blood-slicked fists. 

"Hold on, Detective. I'm calling an ambulance."

"Phck off... Nines, stop doing that... It phcking hurts!" breathed his partner, and he could feel the muscles beneath his fingers were tense with pain.

Nines clenched his jaw. His LED spun yellow, and not just from the call he was sending out. "I know. I'm sorry, Gavin, I have to do this."

Connor had shot Gavin because he'd known that would be the only thing to stop Nines. Connor had known Nines cared too much for his partner to abandon him. Connor had known it had all been an act in the armory. Connor had _known_. And now Connor was roaming Detroit with a gun in his hand and the clear intention of killing someone, no matter the cost.

Nines initiated another simultaneous transmission to warn Markus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pumpkin!  
> This chapter was inspired by a quote in the AWBB server ("crush Connor's chest while crushing Nines' heart").  
> Poor Nines really didn't want to have to do this. And poor Connor is stuck hurting those he loves.  
> We won't be seeing more of Gavin in this fic since this is Android Whump, sorry to the rat-lovers out there.
> 
> Thanks for reading, leave a comment if you feel like it!


	3. I Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: character death  
> (I'd advise you to prepare a fluffy fic to read after this chapter)

_"What are you doing, Connor?"_

_The RK800 was standing next to the wall that surrounded New Jericho, his gaze fixated on a far point ahead of him. Connor answered in a smooth and matter-of-fact voice when Markus stopped next to him. "Did you know that in german, 08 15 meant broken, or not working right?"_

_Markus studied his partner's profile, intrigued by the sudden fact drop. "...No."_

_Connor looked at him and a rueful smile twisted his lips. "The day of my activation was on the fifteenth of August. I'm not sure I can call that a coincidence."_

_Markus frowned and leaned against the wall. "Why are you saying this all of a sudden?"_

_Connor looked back towards the androids milling about the camp and the podium where Markus had stood tall to make his speech. "Because, Markus, often I remember that I could've killed you on that stage. CyberLife easily gained back control over me and reverted me to a machine." His brown eyes drifted back to Markus' face. "One flicker in my code, one letter turned a number, and they can break me into subservience whenever they like. I'm a deviant who doesn't work right."_

_"Stop saying that kind of thing," said Markus reprovingly. "You're not broken and your deviancy is 'working' just fine. I know it's difficult for you after everything that happened, but you have to stop thinking like this. Besides, CyberLife has no way of taking over you again, and there'd be absolutely no point to it in the first place."_

_"No, there'd be no point," acknowledged Connor quietly. "But this is CyberLife we're talking about."_

_Markus silently watched the troubled furrow of Connor's brow and the unhappy curl of his lips, and then reached out to settle a comforting hand on his partner's waist. Connor's head turned to him, his brown eyes suddenly inquisitive._

_"If it ever does happen again, I'll be able to tell," Markus reassured him._

_Connor's hand gently came to rest on top of his as he leaned into Markus' touch, sadness lingering on his sharp features even as he solemnly answered: "I know."_

_And then, because his lover was gazing him with that expression which indicated just how much he thought he deserved everything wrong in the world, and because he wanted, no, **needed** to make Connor feel all right, Markus fervently added: "I promise you, Connor."_

_His partner seemed surprised to hear those words at first, but then his fingers gratefully curled around Markus' and he leaned in closer to let their lips softly brush for one sweet, fleeting moment. When Connor pulled back, a soft smile was lighting up his brown eyes._

_"And I trust you, Markus."_  
_ _ _ _ _

Markus was sitting with his face in his hands in his utterly silent home. North and Josh had wanted him to stay in New Jericho for safety, but Markus had insisted that hiding in the middle of such a densely populated area would surely lead to many casualties if Connor really had gone back to a machine, and both Simon and Nines had agreed with him. They all knew what the RK800 had been capable of in the past: nothing would stop him from reaching his objective. The mansion was the only off-center place they could have access to in such short notice and the security detail that had accompanied him there had been led by Nines. Now all Markus could do was wait in his house for hours on end until they either heard news that Connor had been caught, or until he showed up here himself. Nines had forbidden Markus to step outside at all and had told him to hide in Carl's bedroom, but he'd quickly relented when he'd realized it was the room Markus' father had died in. Besides, staying completely still wasn't good for Markus' stress levels. He needed to be able to move through his house, to touch the familiar books and chess pieces, to find even the smallest of comfort in this place he'd known all his life.

Markus dug the heels of his palms into his eyes, but a small warning message popping up on his HUD about too much pressure being applied to his faulty biocomponent and he had to stop doing it. Instead, he stood up to pace beneath the fossil hanging from the high ceiling above.

He should have stopped Connor. He should have made sure.

There had so clearly been something off about him after that glitch, but like an idiot Markus had just let Connor attend whatever he'd deemed necessary duties... such as stealing a gun from the DPD and harming both Nines and his human partner in the process. The detective was in the hospital in critical condition even with how quick Nines had been to take action. It didn't sound like Connor at all; it sounded like the deviant hunter, and the whole of New Jericho's leadership knew that this meant trouble. To Markus, it meant so much more than that. To Markus, it meant the world falling apart.

Connor was so scared of losing himself to CyberLife. He'd always been terrified of it, even if he'd gotten a bit better over time. They'd all helped him feel safer by convincing him that even if it did happen again, Nines would be there to stop him, that they'd be able to tell a machine apart from their friend because that's what they were: friends. And some friends they were. Markus went back to his seat and hunched over, bringing his hands up to tighten them around his head in frustration. He should've acted on his suspicions as soon as Connor had emitted the desire to leave, he shouldn't have let his guard down after one little kiss. He'd messed up. 

Connor had reached out to him when he'd turned around, as if unaware of what he was doing, and Markus hadn't known what to make of it. Now he dreaded that he understood what it had meant. If the Connor speaking to him had only been a simulation, then that hand reaching out to him that the RK800 had taken back must have been a momentary loss of control. It must have been the real Connor, his Connor, frightened and trapped in his own body, and Markus hadn't held onto that hand. He'd let the android leave and let Connor get taken with it. 

Now Connor was a danger to him and to anyone who would get between them. Markus leaned against his seat and tipped back his head, seeking out answers in the colored rectangular shapes that covered the arched ceiling. It didn't make sense for CyberLife to take over Connor _now_ , months after the revolution, when androidkind had already been declared a sentient species and their rights had been founded. What good would it do them if Markus was gone? Other androids would take his place. There were three other leaders that could replace him. So why?

Markus knew he shouldn't have been giving it this much thought: it was probably simple, petty revenge. Connor didn't mean much to CyberLife. They wouldn't care that they were destroying his life, his mind, they wouldn't care if he was damaged on his way to kill Markus, and they'd probably be glad if the deviant hunter turned deviant liberator was deactivated, even moreso if it was by the very people he'd freed and protected. CyberLife was twisted and wrong and when they'd made Connor the same, Markus had failed him. The one he loved had been forced back into a machine and he hadn't even tried to do anything about it- and now it was too late. Nines had told him how far gone Connor had been in the DPD's armory. They had no idea how to bring him back, and the mere act of approaching him could cost them their lives. 

Markus didn't want this for Connor. He wanted him to be happy, to be his partner both in crime and in love, to be free and to live. He wanted to be there for him, and carry him through his memories and nightmares, and tell him he'd be all right no matter what, because he was loved. Markus didn't want Connor to suffer through the same thing that had already been haunting his brown eyes ever since he'd become a free android. Markus didn't want Connor to hurt. But wishing for something wasn't enough to make it reality, no matter how fervently he prayed; Connor was in pain and Markus couldn't do anything about it. All he could do was wait in this wide empty house, and hope the androids watching its surroundings wouldn't kill Connor on sight when he'd show up. Surely there had to be something they could do to stop the dangerous RK800 that didn't involve deactivation. Surely there was a way to reverse what CyberLife had done to him. There _had_ to be. Markus wouldn't be able to handle it if Connor died.

A soft scraping sound behind him.

Markus whirled around. His eyes widened when he saw the shape stepping through the kitchen's automatic doors and he hastily pushed himself out of his seat, taking several panicked steps back towards the main entrance and immediately hating himself for it. He wasn't supposed to be this scared. He shouldn't have been this scared of the RK800 standing in front of him after all the nights he'd spent reassuring Connor that he wasn't afraid of him, that he trusted him, that he knew Connor would never hurt him. But Connor wasn't supposed to be here, in this house, when it was surrounded by people whose sole intention was to stop him from entering. There was only one way in and he hadn’t even come through there.

"How-" started Markus, but he stopped when he saw the wry grin that creeped over Connor's features.

"They were old models. I'm an RK800, Markus," Connor reminded him in a smooth voice as he kept moving closer.

Markus glanced at the nearest window and didn't see anyone moving outside. Had Connor killed them? Nines was part of the security detail too, but Connor must have avoided him altogether. Had he found another way in? A window, maybe-

"Don't call for help, or I'll deactivate more of them," warned Connor. He circled Markus with steps that were slow, calculated, predatory. The twisted smile stretched his lips further and his tone sharpened in mockery. "You wouldn't want that on your conscience, would you, oh great deviant leader?"

Markus slowly spun on himself to keep facing Connor while the RK800 prowled around him, and his gaze trailed over the other android. "...You're hurt, Connor."

Despite the thirium lazily oozing from his shoulder and the gash in his chest which let the blue light of his thirium pump steadily pulse through, Connor didn't look hurt. In fact, his face didn't indicate a sliver of discomfort. Connor abruptly stopped walking in the spot between Markus and the exit and steadily leveled his remaining arm up to point his weapon at Markus. "It won't matter soon."

"Nines didn't want to hurt you. He didn't want to hurt you like this," Markus told him, not knowing why he was saying all this when the RK800 who was training a gun on him so clearly wasn't the Connor he loved, the Connor who would care about whether or not Nines regretted what he'd had to do. Markus didn't know if his Connor was even still in that body. Had they deleted him? Crushed his personality, crushed his mind, crushed his consciousness so they could have an empty vessel to easily navigate?

"Don't you have anything else to say?" asked Connor. "You're about to be deactivated, you know. Talking about RK900 won't help you."

"No one wants to hurt you. I'm sorry this happened, Connor, I'm sorry I didn't realize sooner, I-"

"This is laughable," Connor interrupted him. "The Connor you know is gone, Markus, don't you realize that? I expected more from the RK200 who turned CyberLife's best creation against them."

Markus ignored the RK800's words and took a step forward, desperately searching for a flicker of _something_ in those cold brown eyes. "Connor, I know you're in there somewhere. Let me know you're there, give me a sign," he pleaded. "I'm sorry, I really am, I'm so sorry I didn't take your hand but I'm here now, I can help you!"

Connor's fingers tightened around the gun and Markus froze. He didn't want to believe this was happening, it couldn't be, things couldn't end like this. It couldn't be now that Connor killed him, not after everything that had happened, not after Connor had finally been getting better, not after Connor had finally accepted that he could be loved. It wasn't possible. Connor wouldn't pull the trigger. Connor would _never_ do this.

And then Connor fired.

Markus' leg buckled and he barely caught himself on the dresser next to him, an error message flashing across his vision. One of his incompatible biocomponents was severely damaged, and Markus lowered his gaze to stare dumbly at the blue stain that creeped across the fabric covering his knee. Connor had shot him. Connor had _shot_ him. Connor had shot the defective junction between his leg and the biocomponent that completed it because Connor knew about his weak spots. He knew all of them.

Markus looked up at him with wide eyes, his mind struggling to catch up with what had just happened. "Connor..."

But Connor only smiled, aimed for his head, and pulled the trigger once more. The explosion made Markus flinch. He slipped and hit the ground hard, then belatedly realized that the bullet that had hit him a second time hadn't shut him down. He hadn't been shot in the head as he'd feared but in the other leg, which wasn't much better because it meant he couldn't get back up. A third gunshot rang out and he looked up to see that Connor had lifted his arm straight above and was shooting at the ceiling while blankly staring ahead. Injured as he was, Markus felt a jolt of horror upon noticing the blue liquid slowly trickling from Connor's eye. Thirium wasn't supposed to leak out like that unless there was very bad damage inside the cranial box, and Connor's LED was red, bright red like it hadn't been in a very long time. The RK800's empty mask belonged to neither his Connor or the hunter that had taken his place; it was just a machine's. Impersonal, devoid of intent, a tool, plastic and metal in a humanoid shape. 

"Connor, what's happening to you?" shouted Markus, but Connor didn't react. The pulse of his pump accelerated, the glow flickering frantically from beyond the hole in his chest. He pulled the trigger again and crystal exploded above them, shards of the chandelier raining down on both androids. Markus shielded his face reflexively but the RK800 just stood there, completely impassive even as the sharp edges cut thin blue lines into his face. There was a loud commotion outside where footsteps rushed towards them as loud voices called for his name and inquired about the gunshots, and suddenly a group of androids burst through the doorway.

"Markus! Are you-"  
"It's him!"  
"Shoot him!"  
"He has a gun!"

"Don't shoot!" bellowed Markus, holding out a hand to stop them all in their tracks.

Silence sweeped over the room when they saw what was happening. The thirium coming from Connor's eye slowly followed the newly traced gouges and everyone watched on in morbid fascination as Connor's head started slowly jerking to the left. His hand began twitching erratically, more thirium dripping down his nose and lips. There was whirring inside of him, worryingly loud and choppy, static emanating from his throat even though his lips were sealed. Then Connor's remaining arm went completely rigid at his side and the gun trembled in his hold.

Markus cautiously got to his hands and knees and called out: "Connor? Can you hear me?"

The RK800's gaze snapped down to his face and Markus saw terror in it, clear as day. It was Connor looking at him, it had to be him. That kind of visceral emotion couldn't be simulated.

Markus nodded encouragingly, trying to keep calm in the face of his lover's sheer panic. "Yes, just like that. Don't be scared, we're going to find a way to help you out of this, okay? Can you keep control over your body?"

Connor's lips shakily parted. "M----rkus."

"Yes, I'm here," Markus told him reassuringly as he tried to pull himself up with the help of the dresser, but it was impossible. One of his legs was completely unresponsive and the other couldn't support his weight alone.

Someone tried to intervene. "Markus-"

"Don't move, let me take care of this," he warned the androids behind Connor without looking at them, instead focusing on trying not to fall back to the ground. Then he looked back up at Connor and belatedly realized that it wasn't only fear in those brown eyes, but immense guilt bleeding through as well. Markus held out a hand and quickly told him: "Hey, hey, Connor, it's okay. You didn't do this, sweetheart, I know it wasn't you."

"Mark----s," repeated Connor, static in his voice, harsh and screeching in the still air between them. It was Connor staring at him, it could only be him; it was that look in his eyes that Connor had when he told him he was so very sorry for everything he'd done as a deviant hunter, only now it was ten times worse. His blue-stained features were twisted in so many tortured emotions that Markus felt the urge to sweep him up in his arms, kiss him, tell him it would be all right. 

"I know you're scared, love, I know. You're going to be okay, we're going to get you back."

Connor's gaze flickered towards a point beyond Markus, his LED circled red again and again. His body gave a full shudder and his hand jerked forward, but stopped short a few inches from its earlier position and trembled in place. 

"Connor," Markus said in alarm, and was reassured when the gaze that returned to him was still his loved one's. That relief was short-lived, however, when he saw the look in those brown eyes.

"Mark-----s," Connor said again, "Mark-----s, ---m so----ry." There was a grim determination in the way Connor's mouth was set that made Markus' pump falter. 

"Connor," Markus said warningly, his movements more frantic when he tried to push himself up to stop whatever Connor was about to do.

Painful despair swam in Connor's eyes and his lips moved to form quiet, resolute words that would be forever etched into Markus' mind. "I l-----ve you." 

Markus' eyes widened. "No, Connor!"

Connor's eyes squeezed shut just before he snapped the gun up to his chin, and it went off one last time.

"No, no no no!" Markus shouted, lunging forward as Connor crumpled to his knees. The ground came up to meet Markus too fast, and he hit it too far from Connor, much too far, and even before Markus started his frantic crawl he knew he'd be too late. He saw the mechanical body stiffen in its kneeling position a mere foot away, saw the light fade from Connor's terrified eyes when he was at arm's length, and grabbed his shoulder just in time to hear the soft whirring go completely quiet.

Markus shook him, thirium smearing his hand where the arm had been ripped off. "Connor, look at me!"

Connor was unresponsive, his face frozen in fear and regret. He hadn't wanted to die. He'd shot himself in the head anyway to stop his own body from wreaking any more destruction. He'd done it to protect Markus.

"No." Markus gathered his useless legs beneath him and cradled his lover's head in his arms. "No, no, no, _no_." He started rocking back and forth, more blue slowly seeping into his clothes. Blood that wasn't his. Blood that was _Connor's_. "Connor... Connor, love, please..."

Someone stepped close to him and lowered a hand on his shoulder. "Markus, you should let go of him. We don't know what made him-"

"Get away!" he snapped, and the hand disappeared. Markus huddled closer to Connor and pressed his face in the crook of his neck, feeling wetness there that could've been either tears or thirium. "Why did you do this? You didn't have to, you didn't have to do this, there were other ways... Connor.... Why did you do this, Connor... You didn't, you _didn't_ have to!"

Someone grabbed him by the shoulder again.

"Get _away!_ " howled Markus, jerking away from the offending touch.

It was Nines standing over him. Nines, forlorn and desolate, staring at him with eyes darkened by sadness. "Markus, I know you don't want to let go of him right now, but you need urgent repairs."

"I don't care! I don't _care!_ " Markus tightened his arms around his unmoving lover, shielding him from the others' sight with his larger body. "I told you to get back!"

"Markus..." Nines' voice was softer now, coaxing but also undeniably sorrowful. He was hurting too, to see Connor like this, to see Markus like this. In Nines' voice, there was the knowledge that Markus was trying to push back; a thought so huge and terrible that it might just crush him if he accepted its existence. A thought too big, too heavy, too much. Markus couldn't hold it at bay for long and it soon crashed through the meager defenses of his mind. 

Connor's processor had been shot straight through.

There were high chances that the bullet had ripped through important components, components that had allowed Connor higher functions. Higher functions which made Connor who he was. Higher functions which made Connor _his_ Connor. Connor could be repaired, but he wouldn't be the same.

Markus looked up from his lover's chest and murmured : "Connor." 

The brown eyes gazed back at him lifelessly, and a wounded sound lodged itself at the very back of Markus' throat. This was painful. It hurt even more than when Markus had lost Carl, and he'd never thought it would be possible. It was like having his pump wrenched out ten times over, and being crushed by the weight of all the sadness in the world, and having had pieces of himself ripped out and forced back in the wrong way around. It was too much. It was unbearable. It was like dying without the relief of unconsciousness.

"Markus, please... Can you let go of him?"

The only answer Nines received was the sound of Markus' sobbing echoing off the walls of the mansion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pumpkin!  
> Goat chose to make [fanart](https://whimsicalgoat.tumblr.com/post/190003226012/my-first-art-piece-for-lost-tanukis-fic-bad-end) of this chapter for their first AWBB piece, please check it out, it looks amazing!  
> Thanks to HyperKey for telling me about 08 15's significance in German!
> 
> So hey, how's your heart? :)  
> Yeahhhh I went hard on this one. Poor boys. And Markus who was so sure Connor wouldn't hurt him at all that he was unable to step out of his denial until it was too late...  
> I make myself sad.
> 
> I have to say though, I liked writing Connor in machine/Sixty mode. I figured if some jerk at CyberLife managed to override him they'd have some measure of control over his behaviour so he'd come off as smug. Or maybe he'd revert to what he was and what he could have been, remnants of his attitude before he deviated.
> 
> Thaks for reading, leave a comment if you feel like it!


	4. Threats

Hank ignored the buzz coming from the right pocket of his coat hanging in the entrance when he first received the call. It was 8:30 AM on his day off which meant an early morning for him, and he couldn't be bothered to talk with another person just yet. His phone fell silent and he continued drinking his coffee in silence. He ignored it the time after that, too, but then it buzzed a third time and that was when he understood that whoever was trying to join him wouldn't give up so easily. He let out a long-suffering groan- couldn't even take his damn breakfast in peace- pushed back his chair, and walked up to his coat with heavy steps. He frowned when he saw that the caller ID was displaying Nines' name, and picked up the call.

"Hey Nines. What's going on?"

"Hank. I have bad news."

Hank's frown deepened when he heard the grim quality to the android's voice and he went back to his seat. "What happened? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine, but it's Connor. Something happened yesterday. I didn't want to talk about it before I was sure about the outcome, but..." Nines trailed off there. It wasn't normal. Nines didn't trail off.

"Nines, tell me what happened. Is he okay?"

"...It's better if you come see for yourself," finally said Nines, and Hank felt his gut flip when he recognized his tone of voice. It was the same they'd used when they'd told him he could go inside Cole's hospital room.

Hands numb, voice faraway, Hank answered: "Where?"

"He's in the leaders' quarters of the Central Infirmary."

"Okay," answered Hank. "I'll be there soon."

He hung up the call and lowered the phone at his side. The room felt cold all of a sudden, and when his gaze landed on his half-finished cup of coffee, he realized that it would stay that way. Hank quickly turned back around, pulled his coat off its rack and opened his door to leave.

New Jericho was only fifteen minutes away. The android that led him inside the infirmary stopped in front of one of the rooms and had a cautious air about him when he told him: "Connor was repaired, but he wasn't reactivated. I'm telling you this so you won't be surprised to find him unresponsive."

"Why didn't you reactivate him?" asked Hank.

The android's eyes shifted to the side before looking back at his face. "Markus will explain it to you. They're both inside."

Hank really didn't like the way he'd avoided his question because he knew when someone was walking on eggshells around him. When he stepped into the room, he saw Markus sitting next to a deactivated Connor. The LED on his partner's forehead was dead and he was hanging from some kind of restraint system on the wall. Markus was staring at him silently from his chair and Hank just stood there, unsure what he was supposed to do.

"They said you'd explain what happened," he ended up saying.

Markus glanced at him, then looked back at Connor. He looked weary, the way a human did when they'd been watching over their kin all night.

"Connor was forcibly reverted to a machine yesterday. I don’t know if you were told about this, but he put Nines’ detective partner in the hospital and then tried to kill me in my home after deactivating five of the androids that were guarding me." His shoulders sagged, and after a brief pause he quietly said: “Connor shot himself in the head as soon as he managed to take back control." 

Hank's heart dropped to his stomach. "He... shot himself?"

"Yes. We tried to repair him."

Oh, he didn't like the sound of that. "What do you mean, you tried?"

Markus opened his mouth, hesitated. Stumbled over his words when he found them. "He... The bullets destroyed the most important parts of his mainframe. He made sure we'd be unable to repair his original processor."

"And what does that _mean?_ "

Markus' mismatched eyes were desolate when they finally met Hank's again. "We had to give him an entirely new CPU. That means new memories. He won't be the Connor we know if he wakes up."

Hank took a step back. Wildly looked around for somewhere to sit, decided that the nearest chair was not near at all, and let his back hit the wall so he could slide down to the ground. The hand that came up to cover his mouth didn't feel like his.

"You mean this isn't Connor," he mumbled.

"It's not."

"... Connor's gone?"

Markus dropped his gaze to the ground. "He's gone."

Hank was speechless for a full minute. Neither of them moved. Markus' shoulders were hunched up and he didn't meet Hank's stare again, as if he couldn't bear to. 

"Why did it happen?" asked Hank.

"We have little doubt that it was CyberLife behind all of this. No criminal organization has claimed this attack to be theirs."

"The bastards," Hank hissed through gritted teeth, but the anger this knowledge had kindled within him was quickly dampened when he realized that CyberLife had driven Connor to suicide. That Connor had died. That this time, the repairs hadn't been those quick sessions which he walked out of looking like nothing had ever happened, that this time, there was no memory upload to keep him who he was. That this time, Connor was gone.

Hank felt his resolve harden and he glared at Markus. "Reactivate him."

"He won't be the same."

"Did you even try?"

"Hank, he won't be the same."

Hank clenched his fists, the anger within him suddenly roaring back to life. "Did you even fucking _try?_ "

Markus just stared at him tiredly. None of the passionate light that usually animated his mismatched eyes was left. "Do you really want to reactivate him only to be faced with a perfect stranger?"

"Well at least I'm not just giving up on him without a fight," growled Hank. He pushed himself off the ground to stalk across the room and thrust a finger in the deviant leader's chest. "He loves you, you fucking prick! And you're gonna go and say he's dead just because you had to replace his processor? Maybe he won't be the same, but there has to be some part of Connor left in there!"

"Even if there was, it was his choice to kill himself," said Markus in a voice so steady that it made Hank's skin crawl with sudden hatred. "I want to talk to him as well, Hank, but they could override him again as soon as he'd be reactivated. He'd still be dangerous. Connor knew that, and that's why he did what he did. Despite all of this, you'd be willing to go against his decision?"

"He might still be in there. I'm not losing anoth-" Hank stopped himself, pushed down a wave of grief before it could overwhelm his anger, and then growled: "I'm not letting him leave like this. I'm not letting him die just because you think he made the right choice."

"Hank, please. Don't ask me to reactivate him." Markus' voice was exhausted, but Hank didn't care.

" _Reactivate him,_ " he ground out. "Or I will kill you myself."

"I can't."

"God help me, Markus, if you don't do it right now I'll-"

"I _can't!_ " shouted Markus, his chair flying back when he stood up to face Hank. "I can't do that, Hank! What do you think will happen if it's him? He'll want us to kill him no matter what! He'll be completely desperate to go back under if it means that we'll stay safe!"

"Then he'll go back under if he wants to, but I'm gonna talk to him before that!"

"No, you aren't. This was his will and I refuse to go against it."

"Don't talk about him like he's already dead when you know damn well you can just turn him back on!"

"He's dead, Hank!" cried Markus.

" _He's not dead!_ " bellowed Hank.

Markus stared at him, then shook his head helplessly and took a step back to put distance between the both of them. "I'm not doing it. I'm not waking him up just so he can suffer and kill himself again, or to be met with a brand-new RK800 who won't even know our names. I'm sorry."

"You're sorry my ass," spat Hank. "You don't care that he could still be alive in there! We'd have a chance to have him back, but you don't give a fuck about that, do you? No, you're just afraid he might turn on you again!"

The effect of his words were instant. Markus recoiled like he'd just been punched and his eyes widened in shock. The android was momentarily at a loss for words, his face painted with hurt, until he gathered himself and his eyes hardened. His voice was dangerously low when he ground out: "How dare you. Did you even listen to anything that I just said?"

"You're choosing to let Connor die without a fight and you don't look like you give a damn that you're doing it," accused Hank. 

The threat of CyberLife taking control of Connor again wasn't enough of an excuse. They'd waited this long to do it, it meant overriding Connor hadn't been that easy for them to do ; it meant that maybe, just maybe, the changes Connor had brought to his software after the revolution had been efficient. If they woke him up again, maybe there'd be a way to reinforce all of his security beyond the changes he'd brought his own programming. They could always try and contact Kamski again. Maybe there was a way to stop an override from ever happening again that they hadn’t found yet. There had to be a way to protect Connor from CyberLife for good. There _had_ to be a solution, they just needed to find it. 

If Hank could've brought Cole back to life back then, he would've done so without hesitation. The conditions wouldn't have mattered. He didn't understand why Markus refused to take that opportunity with Connor when it was so easy for androids to come back to life. So what if Connor didn't turn out to be the same? It was still Connor deep down. Even if he woke up acting like some standard issue RK800, that was what his Connor had once been, and he'd ended up being Hank's closest friend. Hank wasn't going to give up on him, on the one person that had made him care again, just because of some stupid personality shift. And yet Markus was ready to do exactly that.

Hank hated Markus for how easily he'd decided to leave Connor behind, how collected he looked, how calm he sounded. Hank knew Connor loved this guy so much he would've done anything to please him, but there Markus stood, not even willing to give Connor another chance at life when it would've been so easy for him to reach out and reactivate him. It made Hank wonder if he'd ever really loved Connor. It was hard to believe Markus even _cared_.

"You don't care for him."

"I do care," quietly answered Markus. "But you refuse to see that."

"Yeah, you're not convincing anyone with that shit," sneered Hank. 

"I do care," repeated Markus in an even quieter voice. He'd crossed his arms over his chest and was folding in on himself, as if the smaller he made himself, the less he'd have to deal with their argument.

"You say you care, but then you say you're not reactivating him!"

"That's right, I'm not reactivating him. No one is," Markus answered tensely. "I won't let it happen."

Hank resisted the urge to punch the android in the face for about two seconds. Markus' head snapped back when his fist collided with the hard plastic and the android stumbled back slightly, steadying himself much faster than any human would have. He brought a hand to his cheek where the synthetic skin was already covering up the white patch of his exposed chassis and stared at Hank in shock.

"You're not the only one who gets a say in this!" Hank yelled, brutally shoving the android's shoulder in his unrelentless advance.

The hurt in Markus' eyes faded into acceptance. "Hank, you shouldn't do this here. We can talk elsewhere if you want."

Hank crowded the android's personal space, fury making him deaf to the other's warnings. "Did you ask Nines about this, huh? Did you ask anyone else what they thought before taking that decision alone like an asshole?"

"Hank, this isn't-"

"Shut up!" Hank pushed him back against the wall where the android's shoulders collided with a dull thud and pinned him there with an arm to the throat. Markus didn't fight back. 

Hank leaned in close and snarled: "If you answer anything other than 'yes, Hank' I'll shoot _you_ in the processor. _Reactivate._ _Him._ "

Markus gazed at him silently and didn't move.

A cold rush of fury invaded Hank and he reached for his holster, his fingers wrapping around the familiar handle of his gun.

"What are you doing?!"

Hank whipped around and saw a shocked Simon standing in the doorway. Markus used the distraction to push him away and then hastily put himself between Hank and Simon, holding up placating hands before the situation could escalate any further.

"It's nothing, Simon," he hastily assured the other android. "Just a little disagreement."

"Do you take me for an idiot?" exclaimed Simon. "Hank, what were you going to do?"

"You're in on it too, aren't you," growled Hank.

The fright on the android's face turned into confusion, and then realization. He cautiously approached him and said in a quiet, coaxing voice: "Hank, I know this is difficult to accept but Markus is right, we can't reactivate him." 

"Fuck off," snarled Hank as he took a step away from the androids. "Fuck off, both of you." Markus reached out to him, but Hank took another step back. " _Don't_ you fucking touch me or I _will_ shoot you."

Markus lowered his hand, sadness clouding his eyes. "I'm sorry, Hank. I really wish there was another way."

"Save it," spat Hank, and he pushed past the two androids to storm out of the room before he did something he'd regret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I make myself so sad I can't even say hey pumpkin anymore... Poor Markus.
> 
> Well, here it is. Hank behaving like an ass because he doesn't know how else to express his grief. Markus taking the brunt of it without a word of protest because he feels he deserves all of it.   
> They're both lucky Simon was there when he was because things were about to get _really_ ugly- with Connor still in the room, no less.  
> Have you noticed that Hank doesn't look at Connor again for the rest of the chapter? That's right, good old denial hanging around as always. After all, there's no sane way to react to a fate this cruel. Poor Hank.
> 
> Thanks for reading, leave a comment if you feel like it!


	5. Collapse

Markus entered the room that had belonged to Connor, quietly closed the door behind him and was enveloped by darkness. He'd chosen to come here in the middle of the night or it would've been too easy for the androids of New Jericho to see him do this in broad daylight, and Markus had his role of deviant leader to uphold. Not one to show weakness, and not one to show how terribly, terribly tired he was.

Markus felt like he was at the end of his rope.

For every minute that went by, every android he heard talking by his side, every breeze he felt brush against his skin, he wondered how time could just go on like this when his world had shattered. He wondered how he was able to keep living when it felt like there was a hole in place of his pump. He wondered if he would ever feel anything else than this all-encompassing grief that coiled around his limbs and suffocated him in his every waking hour.

Markus walked over to the bed he'd sat on in Connor's company so many times before. Memory was painfully clear. He lowered himself down on the mattress and remembered when Connor had asked him why there even was a bed in his room, considering androids didn't need to lie down when they went into standby. It had taken time for Connor to get used to the concept of lying down at night; less so to learn to appreciate it in Markus' company.

A flash of sorrow bolted across Markus' chest and he huddled over, arms crossed tight against his stomach.

It was so hard to keep on living without Connor there. Markus missed him, he missed his little smiles, and his honest brown eyes, and his soothing voice, and his timid touches, and his coin tricks, and his chaste kisses, his serious face during meetings and his soft laughter when they were alone, the way he blushed so easily, holding his strong and slender hand as they sat on this bed together, knowing he was right there behind him as Markus painted, laying in each other's arms as the sun pierced through the curtains of Carl's house. It was so painful to think all of it was gone, and that none of it was coming back. The dying sensation was still there, sitting heavily in Markus' chest, and he wasn't sure Connor had been the only one to disappear that day.

Markus was sad, and lonely, and he wasn't the only one. Connor's death had destroyed Nines as well. Just like Markus, he hadn't been able to pick up the pieces. It hadn't been obvious at first; the RK900 had remained stoic and reasonable throughout it all. He'd calmly helped Markus announce it to the leadership and then to New Jericho, he'd withstood Hank's anger nearly without batting a lash, he'd even volunteered to tell the DPD where they'd both worked. It had been almost eerie how impassive he'd been about doing so when he'd been so close to Connor. But then Markus had started seeing the signs that deep down, Nines was unraveling. On a few occasions, it had taken several tries to get his attention even during important business. Sometimes Nines was even _forgetful_ \- rA9 knew Nines did not forget things. And once, Markus had stumbled upon Nines standing in front of Connor's quarters with eyes that shone softly. As it turned out, Markus wasn't the only one to pay the abandoned cabin nightly visits. He wasn't the only one to shed tears in its vicinity, either.

Hank was still angry. It had been a week since Markus had refused to reactivate Connor and he didn't think he would ever be forgiven for it. He wasn't sure Hank had even given up on reactivating Connor, and it scared him. He understood why Hank was so hellbent on bringing Connor back to life, he'd gone through the same thing with Carl; what he didn't understand was why Hank refused to understand that doing this would be torture to Connor. It would be torture to them all. The mere thought of reactivating the one they loved, only for him to beg for them to kill him one more time, made Markus want to tear his own processor out. Markus knew Connor. Markus knew him all too well, and knew that even if he refused to let him go Connor would find a way to leave him again. Connor loved them more than he could ever love himself. Connor would find a way to protect them and it wouldn't matter to him that it would cost him his life all over again. Still, Markus wished he could've talked to him one last time without that sword hanging over their heads.

Now Connor was gone for good, lost to New Jericho's cemetery.

Markus felt liquid pool along his lower lids and he slid off the bed to sink down to the floor with his back to the door, huddling close to the wooden frame behind him, hiding his face in his arms. And then he let loose the sorrow within him and cried, alone, quiet, and hopeless. Swept away by the wave of sadness that engulfed him, left floating adrift amidst the memories of what had been and the future that could have been theirs. Markus had wanted to show Connor so much more of his love, so much more of the beauty that life could offer, so much more of the world Connor had never gotten to experience while he was caged by the fear CyberLife had unrelentlessly inflicted upon him; but all of this would never be. It couldn't be, not anymore.

Markus was sobbing in the crook of his elbow so no one would hear him, but that didn't stop the door from creaking open behind him, and he heard a rough voice mutter: "Ah, fucking great."

Markus hastily wiped his eyes and got back to his feet as fast as he could to face the human. He couldn't help the touch of acerbity that tainted his voice when he asked: "What do you _want_ , Hank?"

Hank's face shifted in surprise and he blurted the words out. "Were you crying?"

Markus stood taller and defiantly replied: "What does it matter to you?"

"It's just- I never- You never cried," stammered Hank.

"Believe it or not, I do feel sad about what happened, even if you're hell bent on calling me an unfeeling bastard," answered Markus as flippantly as he could while he discreetly wiped his tear-covered hands on the back of his coat.

"It's hard on you too," realized Hank.

Markus felt a wry smile spread across his features. "What unprecedented news. Who would've thought Connor's partner would feel sad about his death?"

Hank had fallen silent, but Markus ignored his stare and looked down at the bedsheets in front of him. They were slightly rumpled from where he'd earlier sat on them, and his pump surged when he remembered how determined Connor was- no, had been- to keep everything of his neat and tidy. Markus didn't want to face Hank right now. He only had so much time in his busy schedule to mourn Connor, and of course the man had to come in and ruin the sole five minutes he'd managed to take for himself.

Hank's voice was gruff when he spoke again. "Look, Markus, I... I'm sorry for being such an ass. You just looked so... uncaring. About all of this. And it made me even angrier, but that was stupid of me and I should've known that wasn't really you."

Markus kept his eyes resolutely glued to the bed. He didn't want to hear any of this. He just wanted to be left alone with the memory of Connor, he wanted some damn peace and quiet, and why couldn't Hank allow him at least this short moment of letting go? Why did he have to come here _now?_ Why couldn't he have been at home?

"Hey, can you at least look me in the eye so I can apologize properly?"

"Go away, Hank," he quietly answered.

"Markus, I'm seriously sorry here. I messed up, alright? We should talk about thi-"

"Just go!" snapped Markus, hate suddenly unfurling inside of him like a torrent of flames. "Leave me alone!"

Hank's eyes were wide. "Markus-"

"I told you to _leave!_ " roared Markus. "Why can't you just leave me alone? Why do you insist on making my life harder than it already is? It's not enough that Connor's dead, you have to go and remind me that I made that choice every time we cross paths, you have to go and tell me that I took the wrong decision! Do you really think you need to accuse me of letting him die every single time? Of course it's my fault, don't you think I know that already? Don't you think I'm guilty enough as it is?" Markus viciously hit his own chest. "It's _my_ fault! Mine, all of it. Are you satisfied, or do you need to hear it again? It's my fault, I failed Connor, he needed me and I didn't even fucking see that and now he's _gone!_ "

"Markus, I-"

"Get out, Hank! _Get out!_ "

Hank finally shut his mouth, but he didn't take a single step back. The room was suddenly filled with ringing silence. They stared at each other and Markus felt the bright, roaring anger within him die down to leave behind dark and jagged scorch marks. He felt sullied and empty all of a sudden, and he lowered his head to avoid the human's gaze when he saw the way Hank's face fell.

"Oh, Markus."

Markus shook his head wordlessly. Teardrops quietly fell from his eyes and hit the ground between his feet.

"I'm gonna come closer," said Hank, but he didn't wait for an answer to start moving. Markus was in no state to give one anyway. In the moment that followed, he felt a heavy hand land on his shoulder and heard the human's rough voice at his side. "Talk to me, Markus."

Markus lifted a hand to grip Hank's with the intent of pushing it away, but instead he just left it there. No one had approached him like this since Connor had died. No one had dared to, even if he'd made such a huge effort to seem normal after what had happened. To think that Hank of all people was the one to offer him this kind of physical comfort was almost funny, if it wasn't for the fact that Markus could feel himself unraveling beneath that hand.

"I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm sorry I couldn't save him. I'm so sorry, Hank, I'm so so sorry."

"You did the best you could. I'm sorry too, you know. I was unfair to you."

Markus shook his head again and brought a hand to his face, jaw clenched in pain. "He reached out for me, he tried to tell me, and I just let him go. I didn't help him. I didn't see it. He must've been so scared, and so desperate, and he needed me and I- and I- I-"

"Markus, hey." The grip on his shoulder tightened.

"He shot himself because he was afraid for me, because he loved me." Markus hunched over, as if it could alleviate any of the pain that was crushing his heart. "I loved him so much, Hank. I still love him. I just want him back... I just want him back."

Markus sank down to the floor for the second time that night, and Hank followed him to the ground. Without even realizing how it had happened, Markus found himself holding onto the other's clothes, like he was drowning and Hank was the only one he could latch onto for survival. Hank didn't try to pull away and Markus didn't have it in him to let go.

His trembling fists bunched up the fabric of the human's coat. "It hurts, it hurts _so much_." 

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry, Hank. I know how important he was to you."

Hank didn't answer.

"I'm sorry," repeated Markus, but to whom he was saying it this time he wasn't sure.

Still Hank didn't answer.

"He told me he loved me, and I didn't answer. I didn't... I didn't have the _time_ ," Markus managed in a choked voice. "I'm.... I want to tell him. I want him to know I love him back. I want to tell him I'm sorry."

"I know," said Hank.

Markus blinked, and more tears fell on the ground. His fingers trembled, even when he tried to knot them tighter in the fabric to make them stop, the same way Connor's hands had trembled holding that gun to his chin. Markus recalled the gunshot and flinched like he'd just heard it right here, in this room. He remembered how Connor had slowly crumpled, how quickly the life had slipped out of his eyes. How Markus had felt his own soul shrivel up inside of him.

"He... When he died, I felt like I died too. I feel like I'm still dying," confessed Markus.

"... I know," repeated Hank.

"I don't know if I can do this, Hank."

The human sighed. "It's gonna hurt like a bitch for a whole lot longer, Markus, but that's the way it's gotta be."

Markus let out a sob. "I don't want to live without him."

"Neither do I," quietly said Hank.

Markus couldn't stop the tears from running down his face. He knew from the human's breathing pattern that Hank wasn't far from breaking down himself but Markus felt like he would cry forever, and there was no way he'd be able to help Hank hold his own grief at bay.

"God, I miss him so fucking much," choked out Hank a few seconds later.

Markus closed his eyes when he felt teardrops that weren't his land on the back of his hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey pumpkin!  
> Here is Goat's second beautifully sad [illustration](https://whimsicalgoat.tumblr.com/post/190003308642/my-second-art-piece-for-lost-tanukis-fic-bad-end) for this chapter.
> 
> Yep, no happy ending in sight. I did warn you! But hey at least Markus and Hank might be able to support each other in their mourning now. They're not as alone as they think. It probably won't be smooth progress though, considering part of Hank still blames Markus for not reactivating Connor... and so for his death.
> 
> It might come off as a surprise that no one tried to comfort Markus physically the way Hank did but that's because Markus pretended he was fine every time one of his friends asked him how he was feeling over the week. That made him look like he wasn't seeking comfort so they didn't try to push him. Well, Josh did... But Markus just walked out of the room as soon as Josh started being gentle with him because he didn't want to break down in front of his friend.
> 
> More details on Nines? Sure. He's been pretty solitary in his grief but Josh is looking out for him too, don't worry. You know Josh's not one to give up on his friends, especially since he knows exactly how they're feeling about Connor's death.
> 
> Thanks for reading, leave a comment if you feel like it!
> 
> P.S: Here, some fluff fics to recover  
> \- [The Corset Vest](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21411862) (RK1K fic)  
> \- [ "I like dogs."](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18418448) (Sumo fic)  
> \- [ The Android Son](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20761157) (Hank and Connor father-son fic)

**Author's Note:**

> Come by and say hi on [Tumblr](https://lost-tanuki.tumblr.com/post/184765301043/dbh-fics) (link to my DBH fic masterlist which I would positively love you to share!), and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/losttanuki)!
> 
> I now have a Discord server called the Pumpkin Patch server, you can pm me on Tumblr/Twitter to join. I'm looking forward to seeing you there!


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